How the Modern Homemaker takes out the trash...

I was taking the trash out yesterday when I stopped in my garage, looked at my pile of trash, and realized just out amazingly complicated taking the trash out is in my house. Let me walk you through a week in the life of a full trash bag.

1. Trash bag is full, but still remains in the can. The hubs and I continually push down on the full bag in an attempt to compact and use every available space in the bag. Inevitably we either a. rip a hole in the bag (Glad Force Flex, you are no match for me!) or b. we suffer through the God awful smell coming from the no longer closing lid. GAG!




2. After a gagging fit, the bag is removed from the can, set on the kitchen floor, and tied shut. Scooter then crawls over, puts her hands all over the bag, manages to find the open hole and grab a fist full of a. dirty diaper or b. raw meat. GAG!




3. Process is put on hold while whatever mess Scooter has gotten on her hands is wiped away, which is kinda like wrestling a greased up monkey.




4. The bag then makes the journey to the garage where it is set ON TOP of the the trash cans. Why? We will get to that in a minute. If the top of the trash cans are full, the bag is randomly thrown into the garage where it hits any number of unorganized items, knocking them over. Oh slitz!




5. Tuesday rolls around and the decision is made as to whether the hubs or I feel like taking the trash out. If we don't, then the bag hangs out for another week with it's other bag friends having martinis and making fun of the disorganized garage. If we do feel like taking the trash out, we move onto step six.




6. Our tractor is fired up and the bags are loaded into the front end loader. The tractor is backed out of the garage (yes, our tractor sits in the garage while our cars are parked outside) and makes the climb to the end of our 200 foot drive way (we.are.so.lazy.) Bag and all it's bag friends are dumped at the end of the driveway and the tractor is parked back into the garage.




7. The garbage fairies come and take our bag away to garbage land where they have a trash bag party.
   
   
   
   So why don't we use the cans? Because the hubs and I really can't handle processes longer than seven steps, and cans would mean we would have to add a seventh to bring the cans back into the garage, which just ain't happening. However, this process is an improvement over when I used to take our trash to my in-laws every week for pick up because the hubs and I were too cheap to pay for pickup ourselves.